I have yet to write in this blog. In fact I have no idea how to access it at the moment, such is my computer genius! I have, however read and agree with all that Nic has posted. The emails and letters we have received have been such a blessing.
I wanted to write as this is the first time I have been on my own since all this happened a week ago today…only a week, I struggle to think of life before that.
I unashamedly echo all Nic has said about God carrying us through this. In myself I am all those things you would expect. I am not strong, I am grieving for the child I thought we would have and I fear the future for the daughter I now know we are going to have, BUT and it’s a big but, I cannot explain the peace I am feeling, except that it is completely outside of my control and it is amazing.
I have been listening to an album by Lou Fellingham since this happened and there is a song on it called Hard pressed. There is a line that says
“Miracles you will do, when I come and put my hope in you”
I am so grateful that my hope is in God.
Kathy
Wednesday 31 January 2007
Tuesday 30 January 2007
When we had our first scan last Wednesday we were told we would get a call the next day to arrange another scan. We were called by the General at 9am with an appointment. Yesterday we were told we would need a cardiac appointment, a neurological appointment and another check up scan. As of this afternoon we have all three booked!! Neurological on 6th February, Cardiology on 14th February and the check-up scan 19th February. The NHS has done us proud.
We have had so much response from sending out the email. Thank to everyone whose praying I should get a map to record all the fantastic places our news has got to.
Today has been a strange day. Kind of feels odd that things are going back to normal whatever that is. I’m back to work tomorrow which will be odd. I’m sure I won’t get quite so frustrated as I used to. I hope so anyway. I guess I’m afraid that the last few days and what God has done for us will slowly be forgotten but hey, that’s why I’m writing this down!! Below is a picture we were given of the override switch on an old rusty white van. We have certainly been using it recently!
Today there was a car crash right by our home, 2 women died walking along a pavement. I hope there are people praying for there familes/friends. I will be.
Kathy contribution to today’s entry is to say that the baby got very excited when listening to trumpet music on Classic FM. Ill be playing that a bit more often now, like a baby workout!!
We have had so much response from sending out the email. Thank to everyone whose praying I should get a map to record all the fantastic places our news has got to.
Today has been a strange day. Kind of feels odd that things are going back to normal whatever that is. I’m back to work tomorrow which will be odd. I’m sure I won’t get quite so frustrated as I used to. I hope so anyway. I guess I’m afraid that the last few days and what God has done for us will slowly be forgotten but hey, that’s why I’m writing this down!! Below is a picture we were given of the override switch on an old rusty white van. We have certainly been using it recently!
Today there was a car crash right by our home, 2 women died walking along a pavement. I hope there are people praying for there familes/friends. I will be.
Kathy contribution to today’s entry is to say that the baby got very excited when listening to trumpet music on Classic FM. Ill be playing that a bit more often now, like a baby workout!!
Monday 29 January 2007
Here is the email we sent to all our friends: Bit of a mammoth email!!
===============================================
Hello everyone,
Excuse the impersonal nature of this email but we really want all our friends to know what’s happening. Obviously we do not want to go through all these details which our vast array of friends we are so pleased to have. For those of you we haven’t spoken to so far we hope this will not be too much of a shock.
At the base of the spine on our baby there is a sac of fluid which is normally surrounding the spinal column. As the babys spine has grown it has not closed sufficiently resulting in this sac, which appears to be intact which is good news. This is known as a ‘Spina Bifida’. The severity of these can vary dramatically on each baby and as yet we do not know how our baby will be affected.
During our first scan last Wednesday over 10mm of was seen around the brain, this is called hydrocephalus or ‘water on the brain’ As the baby grows this water can restrict the growth of the brain leading to a retardation. On this scan this has dropped to below 9mm into the ‘normal’ range and the baby is no longer classed as having hydrocephalus. This is obviously an enormous relief and answer to prayer. We will be having regular scans from now to continue to monitor this among other things as there is still a risk this could increase. For those of you wanting to pray about specific things for us please put this at the top your list.
Regarding the sac of fluid itself it is not yet known whether this is an empty sac or whether it contains any nerves. Obviously it being empty is what we are praying for such that further risks of complications are reduced. Make that prayed item number two.
A common result of this Spina Bifida we are told is paralysis of the lower limbs and incontinence. During the scan we saw both legs move together and the baby’s bladder was full, following in her mothers footsteps!! I say ‘her’ deliberately as, in light of these difficulties we chose to find out the sex of the baby. Although with the fluid sac where it is the consultant couldn’t be sure but she saw nothing to indicate a baby boy. It was noted the legs were crossed for the duration of the scan, this may be a sign of a problem or just that our baby girl was putting her feet up, we do not know.
It is normal also for the baby’s head to be mis-shaped with a Spina Bifida. This is the case with our baby’s head being termed ‘Lemon shape’ we do not know as yet whether this will have an impact. We will be seeing a neurologist at Nottingham hospital who will look into the sac more closely using a different scanning technique who will give us a better assessment of any neurological problems. There are also risks to the heart so we will soon have a cardio appointment at the Infirmary. The consultant could see no problems so far.
We were offered an amniocentesis test which would assess whether there was a genetic cause for this problem. This test is mainly used to help decide whether to have a termination as well as planning for future care needs. As Christians we are not prepared to have an abortion and due to a 1% risk of miscarriage we will postpone this test until around 32 weeks when the risk is negligible. Please thank God that we did not go ahead with this as originally we agreed to and then changed our minds right at the last minute. I’m so glad we did. When I mention future care needs I mean to say that if this is genetic it is considered lethal and the baby’s life will be shortened. Please pray that when we do get this test the results will be negative for a genetic disorder. When thinking of having children in the future, this is a very important test.
So all in all we had a really good day. We had prepared for the worst and came away with hope. Most of all we are aware that God has and will continue to use this experience to bring us and those around us closer to Him. We pray that you all will experience Gods love as we have since last Wednesday. With this in mind we have created a blog at http://nicandkathy.blogspot.com/ where we will record the events over the coming months. Please feel free to share this email and blog with anyone, especially those who have been praying and thinking of us.
Of course, thanks to everyone who has encouraged us these last few days. We have some amazing friends & family. They won’t acknowledge it I am sure but special thanks to Malcolm and Chris who have spent today with us. Thank you.
We will be in touch with you all soon.
All our Love
Nic and Kathy
===============================================
Hello everyone,
Excuse the impersonal nature of this email but we really want all our friends to know what’s happening. Obviously we do not want to go through all these details which our vast array of friends we are so pleased to have. For those of you we haven’t spoken to so far we hope this will not be too much of a shock.
At the base of the spine on our baby there is a sac of fluid which is normally surrounding the spinal column. As the babys spine has grown it has not closed sufficiently resulting in this sac, which appears to be intact which is good news. This is known as a ‘Spina Bifida’. The severity of these can vary dramatically on each baby and as yet we do not know how our baby will be affected.
During our first scan last Wednesday over 10mm of was seen around the brain, this is called hydrocephalus or ‘water on the brain’ As the baby grows this water can restrict the growth of the brain leading to a retardation. On this scan this has dropped to below 9mm into the ‘normal’ range and the baby is no longer classed as having hydrocephalus. This is obviously an enormous relief and answer to prayer. We will be having regular scans from now to continue to monitor this among other things as there is still a risk this could increase. For those of you wanting to pray about specific things for us please put this at the top your list.
Regarding the sac of fluid itself it is not yet known whether this is an empty sac or whether it contains any nerves. Obviously it being empty is what we are praying for such that further risks of complications are reduced. Make that prayed item number two.
A common result of this Spina Bifida we are told is paralysis of the lower limbs and incontinence. During the scan we saw both legs move together and the baby’s bladder was full, following in her mothers footsteps!! I say ‘her’ deliberately as, in light of these difficulties we chose to find out the sex of the baby. Although with the fluid sac where it is the consultant couldn’t be sure but she saw nothing to indicate a baby boy. It was noted the legs were crossed for the duration of the scan, this may be a sign of a problem or just that our baby girl was putting her feet up, we do not know.
It is normal also for the baby’s head to be mis-shaped with a Spina Bifida. This is the case with our baby’s head being termed ‘Lemon shape’ we do not know as yet whether this will have an impact. We will be seeing a neurologist at Nottingham hospital who will look into the sac more closely using a different scanning technique who will give us a better assessment of any neurological problems. There are also risks to the heart so we will soon have a cardio appointment at the Infirmary. The consultant could see no problems so far.
We were offered an amniocentesis test which would assess whether there was a genetic cause for this problem. This test is mainly used to help decide whether to have a termination as well as planning for future care needs. As Christians we are not prepared to have an abortion and due to a 1% risk of miscarriage we will postpone this test until around 32 weeks when the risk is negligible. Please thank God that we did not go ahead with this as originally we agreed to and then changed our minds right at the last minute. I’m so glad we did. When I mention future care needs I mean to say that if this is genetic it is considered lethal and the baby’s life will be shortened. Please pray that when we do get this test the results will be negative for a genetic disorder. When thinking of having children in the future, this is a very important test.
So all in all we had a really good day. We had prepared for the worst and came away with hope. Most of all we are aware that God has and will continue to use this experience to bring us and those around us closer to Him. We pray that you all will experience Gods love as we have since last Wednesday. With this in mind we have created a blog at http://nicandkathy.blogspot.com/ where we will record the events over the coming months. Please feel free to share this email and blog with anyone, especially those who have been praying and thinking of us.
Of course, thanks to everyone who has encouraged us these last few days. We have some amazing friends & family. They won’t acknowledge it I am sure but special thanks to Malcolm and Chris who have spent today with us. Thank you.
We will be in touch with you all soon.
All our Love
Nic and Kathy
Sunday 28 January 2007
Well, we are after a weeked in a beautful place and Just look what God provided! This is Druridge Bay a few minutes drive north of Newcastle, just amazing. Why do we ever bother going abroad with places like this so close?
Tomorrow is the day we find out more. We both have our hopes and fears but they are underlined by the knowlege things will be OK, God is always faithful.
A Different Life
This morning we wake up in our friend’s house near Newcastle. We wouldn’t be with that friend if she didn’t have a beautiful house in a beautiful area but then we wouldn’t be here if Natalie wasn’t a beautiful friend.
We found out about our babies problems 3 days ago on the Wednesday evening. Our life has been turned around and flipped upside down. The best analogy is of a roller coaster. Our emotions are up and down; despair and sadness followed by the peace of God moving through us full of His grace. But like a roller coaster we are on a safe path being carried safely through to the end where we can get off for some rest.
As of now we know very little about our babies problems. There is a 2cm sack of fluid protruding from the base of the spine, which itself is slightly separated and the skull is measured to be 2cm smaller than expected at the 20week stage. These 2 things are apparently called spina bifida and hydrocephalus (?). And that is all we know. There is another scan with the specialist on Monday morning 11pm where we will get some more details and a fuller prognosis.
Of course they will offer us a termination; the normal procedure in cases such as these. We cannot, and would not want to accept. This life is given to us by God and to make a decision to exercise our free will and overrule the decision of God would be a mistake. That’s not to say we haven’t had our views challenged on this. In particular about how this would not be a selfish thing for us to give ourselves the life we thought we were getting but that it may save a lot of pain for our child. Still well let God make that decision for us, he’s more qualified.
Let us not also forget this is a miracle baby already and we should not be surprised by more miracles. I talk of the conception in a month where the doctors said we would need assistance; a hormone level of 4 where a range of 15-30 is required. Yet through God speaking to me so directly in Hong Kong, “Now is the time – I am ready” we know that there is going to be no waste of life or love lost through this new life. Quite the opposite, God will be exalted and lifted up through the testimony of this baby.
We have seen this before in our time together when in October 2003 we had the privilege to know Malachi, an abandoned black South African baby, born 3 months prematurely with full blown aids. Through his very short life full of pain and suffering, his only peace seemed to be when he was asleep, we were so blessed to see Gods love flowing freely through and around this child of His. I know we are not the only people to have been moved closer to God through the knowledge of Malachi.
So far on this roller coaster ride we have learnt some truths which we could probably not learn another way. God carries us when we cannot walk, he answers every prayer, he is the override switch on the rusty white van and He is the God that knits us all together in our mothers womb and we are created in his image
So we wait for Monday. We are resisting the temptation to learn more, to fill our minds with probabilities, and possibilities. We know that what ever happens as long as we rest in the Fathers arms we will grow stronger and closer to Him than we could ever imagine. He will take care of everything else. He knew us from before we were born sending his Son to give us eternal life. We need do no more than to accept his gift of life in Jesus wonderful name.
Whether this baby’s life is long or short we rest in the knowledge this is the life and baby God chose for us and we are proud to be this babies parents carrying the will of God. We will be with this baby in heaven clothed with our perfect bodies living in worship and service to the only man who never deserved to die but who chose death that we may have life, eternal life.
Be still and know that I am God
Psalm 42, 139 and Isaiah 62.
Nic and Kathy
This morning we wake up in our friend’s house near Newcastle. We wouldn’t be with that friend if she didn’t have a beautiful house in a beautiful area but then we wouldn’t be here if Natalie wasn’t a beautiful friend.
We found out about our babies problems 3 days ago on the Wednesday evening. Our life has been turned around and flipped upside down. The best analogy is of a roller coaster. Our emotions are up and down; despair and sadness followed by the peace of God moving through us full of His grace. But like a roller coaster we are on a safe path being carried safely through to the end where we can get off for some rest.
As of now we know very little about our babies problems. There is a 2cm sack of fluid protruding from the base of the spine, which itself is slightly separated and the skull is measured to be 2cm smaller than expected at the 20week stage. These 2 things are apparently called spina bifida and hydrocephalus (?). And that is all we know. There is another scan with the specialist on Monday morning 11pm where we will get some more details and a fuller prognosis.
Of course they will offer us a termination; the normal procedure in cases such as these. We cannot, and would not want to accept. This life is given to us by God and to make a decision to exercise our free will and overrule the decision of God would be a mistake. That’s not to say we haven’t had our views challenged on this. In particular about how this would not be a selfish thing for us to give ourselves the life we thought we were getting but that it may save a lot of pain for our child. Still well let God make that decision for us, he’s more qualified.
Let us not also forget this is a miracle baby already and we should not be surprised by more miracles. I talk of the conception in a month where the doctors said we would need assistance; a hormone level of 4 where a range of 15-30 is required. Yet through God speaking to me so directly in Hong Kong, “Now is the time – I am ready” we know that there is going to be no waste of life or love lost through this new life. Quite the opposite, God will be exalted and lifted up through the testimony of this baby.
We have seen this before in our time together when in October 2003 we had the privilege to know Malachi, an abandoned black South African baby, born 3 months prematurely with full blown aids. Through his very short life full of pain and suffering, his only peace seemed to be when he was asleep, we were so blessed to see Gods love flowing freely through and around this child of His. I know we are not the only people to have been moved closer to God through the knowledge of Malachi.
So far on this roller coaster ride we have learnt some truths which we could probably not learn another way. God carries us when we cannot walk, he answers every prayer, he is the override switch on the rusty white van and He is the God that knits us all together in our mothers womb and we are created in his image
So we wait for Monday. We are resisting the temptation to learn more, to fill our minds with probabilities, and possibilities. We know that what ever happens as long as we rest in the Fathers arms we will grow stronger and closer to Him than we could ever imagine. He will take care of everything else. He knew us from before we were born sending his Son to give us eternal life. We need do no more than to accept his gift of life in Jesus wonderful name.
Whether this baby’s life is long or short we rest in the knowledge this is the life and baby God chose for us and we are proud to be this babies parents carrying the will of God. We will be with this baby in heaven clothed with our perfect bodies living in worship and service to the only man who never deserved to die but who chose death that we may have life, eternal life.
Be still and know that I am God
Psalm 42, 139 and Isaiah 62.
Nic and Kathy
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